Tuesday, April 15, 2014

The Story Chapter 2: An Enemy Appears

Previously...
An egg falls from the sky. What does it mean? Falls where the lava flows heavily. There it will stay until a curious traveler who wanders off into the volcanic region. There he finds an egg nested in the midst of the fiery ocean. He comes face to face with the guardian only to be saved by a mysterious light. He is accompanied by a strange creature that seems to have bonded with the traveler. The traveler makes his way down the mountain to seeks answers.

It near sunset at the base of the mountain the traveler is being followed by the strange creature. Confused, the traveler tries to communicate with the creature but the creature just stares back with its' red-eyes.
So they continue to walk until they come across a well. Thirsty, the traveler takes the bucket and fills up  water and drinks until he can't drink anymore. He then notices that creature is nudging at his leg. So the traveler decides to give the creature some water thinking that it might by thirsty as well. It enjoys the water and the traveler smiles at it. He names the creature "Red-Eyes" because of the fierce gaze it gives.

Their moment of peace is cut short by the sound of approaching footsteps. Turning around with his sword, the traveler blocks the enemy's deadly blow. "So it's you" says the traveler. The enemy gets up and reveals himself. I am Dark Blade,


I been looking for you...  Jin, the warrior from Zera.

"So much for low profile" says Jin and decides to attack Dark Blade. Dark blade parries the blow easily and knocks Jin away a few feet. Struggling to stand, Jin says to himself, Who is he? How does he know me? Jin stands up and begins to charge toward Dark Blade.It is foolish to attack while you leave yourself wide open. You are not ready to challenge me yet" says Dark Blade. He knocks Jin's sword out of his hand with ease.
Jin falls down fearing for his life. Dark Blade gets closer to Jin and begins to deliver the final blow.

A blast of tremendous energy hits Dark Blade in the back. Jin weakly lifts up his head and sees a large black shadow . Seriously wounded, Dark Blade vanishes without a trace. Jin says to himself " I'm alive and faints from the exhaustion of the battle.

As the traveler lays on the ground, a monk and his apprentice are passing through when they see the body. Quickly they take Jin back with them to their temple to help him recover.

1 comment:

  1. The plot is progressing in an interesting direction. I liked that about the chapter, but I had several dislikes. Of course, these are just my opinions: 1)I am a grammar nazi. I can't help it. If I saw this chapter in my English class, I'd give it a C. Reading stories aloud helps to mitigate errors. If that's too much work, if you ask I'll grammar check whatever you need. 2)Recaps are nice for TV, but I hate them in stories. If you use them, I recommend making them quick and to the point. 3)Conflicts are hard to write, but it can be done. When did Dark Blade fall? How did Jin lose? The battle seemed weak and was hard to follow.

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